I live a life that is different than others. My husband is 14 years older than me; and has 4 children from his first marriage. I have two from my first marriage. We have 6 kids. SIX kids! Ages 25 (boy, the only boy), 22, 19, 12.5, 12, 9 (all girls, that's a lot of estrogen and attitude). There are grand children even; three boys 5, 3, 1 and a girl 3 months.
Here I am lost. Where do I fit? I know my children, my girls 12.5 and 9. I know where I fall with them, I am MOM. Where do I fall with the other 8 young souls? What role am I?
I am so vitally confused. There are days I feel like mom. Days I feel like a very distant friend who is only there for babysitting and the such. There are days I feel like the enemy, the evil one who took away their dad. There are days I feel like have had a very positive impact and then there are days I feel like I failed so miserably. These are most days. Days I feel that hatred dripping off the ceiling and sliding down the walls in my home.
The little boys don't know me. It was just until just a couple weeks ago that the 5 year old learned my name. That is because I babysit another little boy who is the same age and in the same grade. He calls me Miss Sarah.
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I don't know what role I play? I am not grandma they have two already. I am not an aunt, I am not a friend, I am lost.
Where do I fit with the little ones' moms? What am I?
There was once a time when the 19 year old called me mom, we were good friends...then high school, then bad influential friends came....I became the enemy. I am not sure where I stand any more.
The oldest girl she has always hated me. Hated me to the point that she never came around and missed out on so much with her dad. I still feel very disliked. I feel tolerated.
Most days I want to crawl under the bed and hate.
The now 12 year old refers to me as "My mom" when at school...I guess I am mom...but not to people outside of school there is that very big differentiation made. This week I am mean. I am mean because I treat her the same as my two girls. Everybody has chores, everybody has to keep their grades at a c or above. I treat them all equal. Am I mean?
I am lost. I am hurting. I feel judged for going with my gut instincts when trying to have a positive influence on children I did not give birth to.
The 25 year old boy. Now that is interesting, only 7 year difference between him and I. I am referred to in contents as my parents when he is asked where he is located. However, when introducing me I am step mom. Where do I fit?
How do you raise children who are not your own? Who make sure you know they are not your children biologically speaking. My feelings get hurt all the same, maybe more. I love them, oh I love them so very much.
Do I keep fighting or do I give in and let go. I know I am not their mother, I don't want to take that position. I just want to know where I stand.
God says "Love all men" "Children obey your father's instructions, don't reject your mother's teaching" Step parenting is in the Bible. It's not labeled as such. But even Jesus had a Step-Dad.
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