Hurtful Relationships

There comes a time in ours lives when we need to take a deep breath and look back. We have to examine our hearts and look into our deeds. We all have done things in the past that haunt us. We all have had things done to us that cause mistrust, and anger. It is this that can cause strife in our current relationships.

When a relationship ends there is usually a great deal of bitterness that comes into the the lives of those who were involved. For example when a marriage fails. The separating partners carry baggage with them into the next relationship. Occasionally this can cause behaviors to change in a positive way and make the new relationships stronger and better. However, most of the time it does just the opposite. It destroys the new relationship, It can, also, damage the relationship with other people that were part of that marriage; children.

In a previous post I spoke about my past. My relationships with my parents suffer because their marriage ended. I cannot have family dinners because there is still anger boiling.  My daughters are getting hurt because of this too. Everybody claims "oh well it's their loss they didn't come to this [fill in the appropriate occasion (birthday party-graduation-concert-ball game)]".

 In all actuality my daughters are getting hurt. I have to explain to them why Papa and Nana both are never at the celebrations. I have to look at my child and apologize for the actions that have happened that I had no part of. I have to sooth the tears. I get to re-live my own hurts and see them in the eyes of my girls.

I was at the book store today and gravitated towards the Christian Section. There was something I needed. I stumbled on this beautiful little book at a bargain price. It is a book of prayers. Prayers for 10 different situations that happen in life. I have meandered through it and have seen so many that fit my day, and so many that fit other people in my life. The opening part of the book speaks about the prayers listed and how they are to help you begin to draft you own prayers.

 From my heart:

Dear Lord,
I so want to find a way to have a relationship with my parents. Father, although you see their way of approaching a relationship is highly dysfunctional. I cannot help but love them both. By your grace Lord, Yours alone, I was brought to life by these two people.
I just don't know how to navigate being around them when their hurts, habits, and hang-ups are constantly wreaking havoc.
Do I stay away?
Do I continue to try?
Do I confront, again and again?
Lord, I do not know what to do, but You do. God, please grant me wisdom; help me listen to your guidance and follow Your ways. Even if this path hurts more, Lord, I know you will always be there. I know there will be a reason for the pain I have endured and the pain that is to come.
Lord, please help me be a comfort to my hurting daughters as they are caught in the midst of this battle of anger and hurt. Lord I ask these plights in Your name. Amen.

Commit your way to the Lord                           Hatred stirs up strife                    Do not hasten in your
Trust also in Him,                                              But Love covers all sins.             spirit to be angry,
and He shall bring it to pass                               Proverbs 10:12                            For anger rests in
Psalm 37:5                                                                                                              in the heart of fools
                                                                                                                                Ecclesiastes 7:9

I kept my anger from doing this!

The section was very fitting for my moment of pure rage today at the dealership. I, actually, had to remove myself from the service department and collect my emotions. I was so livid I was shaking. Not long ago I got a daily verse on my phone, and it immediately popped into my mind.  "Set a Guard, O Lord over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips"--Psalms 141:3 Right here on the service guys desk is this little pamphlet titled "Keep your Cool!"  It may not mean much to others but it was a reminder to control my anger...and as I was storming out to my car, that is still broken, God spoke lightly and calmed my anger. Even though those little signs may not mean much to others, some of us take it as a word from above.  I was blessed that the issue presented itself while my car was still sitting in the service departments parking lot and not while I was cruising down the road at 65 miles an hour. God is good!



It is not because I want to stir up trouble that I lay my hurts, and thoughts out like this. I know that I am not alone in having to deal with these struggles. There are families everywhere that deal with issues similar. If I touch just one person's life and help them gain footing again then my work is for nothing. If I touch one heart and help them learn to Love and Lean on God...then I have succeeded.