Prayer....Forgiveness...Hurts...Circles...Hope

What does it mean to forgive somebody for the pain they have caused? What does it take to forgive? Does it magically make the hurts go away because you say you forgive them?

 I was attending a regular college online and within the first six months of starting my courses I felt a pull towards something more; I just could not quite grasp what.

 I felt an inner voice telling me I needed something I wasn't getting; this something was soul food.

 I opened my email one day and there was an invitation from Liberty University. I can not tell you how many college emails I had simply deleted from my inbox without a second thought...but this one...this one had me pause. I opened it and it was a Christian college.

This was what that pull was.

 I began making phone calls and gathered all the necessary paper work and information. Waiting to know if I was going to be accepted...waiting to find out if my credits would transfer.

I got accepted.

Great, now what? A college the teaches on biblical standards and integrates faith in to all lessons; what am I going to do with that?!

Three years later I am in my senior year of my Bachelors degree. Three years later I have been on a roller coaster of emotions I thought I long ago abandoned.

Over the course of the last three years I have been in a circle of forgiveness. Some have been easy transgression to forgive...others I just wasn't ready and they always come back again.

I want to point out the what so many people have titled "The Lord's Prayer"

Our Father in heaven,
Your name be honored as holy.
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
on Earth as it is heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And do not bring us into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.
[For YOURS is the kingdom,
    and the power
and the glory forever. Amen]
  Matthew 6:9-13 (HCSB)

FORGIVENESS- I am going to continue on to the next two verses that follow that prayer
Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive people their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don't forgive people, your Father will not forgive your wrongdoing."

That is a lot to swallow. Pretty much my salvation is hinging on my ability to forgive those who have done me wrong. I have been hurt, lied to, beat, and abused. My heart is full of hurt that has been masked as anger for a very long time. My heart feels so abandoned by many people that roam this planet. If my inability to forgive is going to keep me out of my Father's presence I want to forgive each and every person that has done me wrong. I wish it were that easy.

That is where my education has come in to play. It was in the middle of my lessons through Christian counseling that I began the road to forgiveness.  That is where God pulled me in and held me tight and said to my heart:
 "Dear Child they are just earthly beings, it is my love that is enduring, it is my love that you need. My Dear child I will hold you close as you walk this life and walk through again the hurts that others have given your heart. My dear child I love you so much I want you to feel that love. My dear child it is OK to forgive."                                                   Casting Crowns-Just Another Birthday<<<Click the link
 Some hurts have been easier to forgive then other. As I forgive some hurts more begin to bubble to the surface I long ago tried to block away. The more I embrace forgiveness the more I hear God speaking to my heart. The more I am open to His love the easier those horrible hurts are getting to forgive.

So many people pray the Lord's Prayer at funerals or other faith based gatherings; but it makes me wonder if they really mean it? Do they really understand what it is they are asking for?  So many people are holding on to hurts and refuse to forgive those who have done them wrong but yet they feel they are entitled to be forgiven.  The old quote I have heard time and time again "Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" You know in all actuality that poison is just going to kill you and keep you from having a life in the presence of our Lord and Savior; learn to forgive. Forgiveness is not for the wrong doer but for your own heart, over all health, and forgiveness from

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God.
We are all humans, we all make mistakes, some bigger than others. I am not free of sin myself. I am a very big sinner, and I recognized that in myself; but I try everyday to be a better person than I was yesterday. I can only hope that those who I hurt forgive me; just as I am beginning to forgive them for the hurts they caused me.




   

Words are an empty vessel

Source: We heart it

I can tell this is going to be a sleepless night. My mind is racing and my heart it pounding. This message is tumbling through my mind; demanding to be heard.

Our Words are Just Words; 

WE NEED ACTIONS!

We can tell a person we love them. We can tell others that we will be there to help them but without actually showing them through our actions; the words are just empty. Empty vessels of letters strung together that mean nothing more then their shapes.

It is the actions that we do following the words we speak that lets people know if we are sincere or not. No matter the hurts that have been caused in the past we have to show the world we are better then that. We have to prove that we not only talk the talk but we walk the walk as well.

When you tell somebody you love them, not only a romantic love but a platonic love, or a parental love show them. Make sure they know it by the way you behave towards and around them.

Source: tumblr

Even in moments of tension and bad company we have to raise above ourselves (if needed) to show our love.

THIS HORRID LESSON I AM LEARNING RIGHT NOW. 

I have been so nasty lately. So angry at my own pains I didn't care who I hurt in the midst of it. There is a quote that goes something like this

 "Hurting people hurt people"  

I can't tell you how true that statement is, or even the origins. When we allow the hurts to accumulate within we  act in a way towards other people (not always on purpose) that hurts them. Ignoring invitations, dodging phone calls, skipping messages, not attending celebrations, HURTFUL words. All negative actions that display the negative feelings from inside.

Do not just say you love a person out of habit, prove to them that you love them by your actions.

Learning...What am I Learning?

Learn to look to the Cross

I am learning to let go and let God.
I am learning that even though I am angry I have to let go.
That does not mean that I cannot use my anger for something good.
I am learning that I am not alone in this journey of life, I was put here to work as a guide for other who need assistance in walking a path they find difficult. But most importantly my Lord and SAVIOR is walking my journey with me. Matthew 28:20 "...I am with you always, to the end of the age." I am never alone.
The last few days I have been hurting emotionally and literally cried myself to sleep. I was hurt that I can ask for help from others and feel that my request has fallen on deaf ears. What I failed to do was take my request to my Lord. I failed to remember that He said "Ask and you shall receive" Matthew 7:7. I have to remember that God's will is done in God's time. So while I may have set goals for myself and the growth in my business I have to be patient, I have to have faith that God has a plan for me. I have to remember that in time when it is right God will provide. So for now I will focus on finishing up my research paper, fighting to pass algebra class, and learning to remember to have faith even if it is is the size of a mustard seed it is still faith (Matthew 17:20).