Magic Mike...50 Shades.... think about it!

I have noticed on Facebook

...yep I went back, but I have a yearning to go away again....

there is a sequel coming out for a movie that a lot of women are overjoyed to go to the theater to watch. There is another movie that is be released this month based off a very popular book trilogy.

Both these films and book series have a similar theme. 

LUST...there I said it. 

Am I guilt of reading the book trilogy? Yes, I sure am.

But what drew me into the series?

I can say it is the excitement of the dramatic adventure of a relationship that seems to have been doomed from the beginning. I can say it was for "ideas" of how to make my personal life better.

  Would these be true? I don't think so. Sure they spiced my drive temporarily, but they actual pulled me away from the relationship with my husband. 

This placed an unattainable ideal in my mind and heart that our relationship was not right. We weren't spicy enough, we do not go out much, we are just a mundane average boring couple. I would stay up late to read the books, I would be tired all day, but I would stay up late again, and again, again. It was a cycle of being tired but wanting to know to what was going to happen next...slightly borderline addiction. Good things the series was only 3 books!

My life with my husband is amazing. He makes the mundane fun, he knows just how to kiss my forehead when I need it most, or touch my arm in a lovely way that only he can do.  I never knew I could love a man as deeply and wholly as I do with him. My husband goes away for work and I am lost...I have to sleep in a cold bed, in silence...even his breathing is a comfort to me and when I don't hear it my heart aches.

What has this got to do with a movie or book series? Well reading this book series was just as bad as watching porn. The only difference was I had the movie playing in my mind not on a screen. I let these characters into my life, I even created their physical body's with my minds eye.

This series lead me into temptation:

Cravings: for things I didn't need...I craved for a life that wasn't mine...a life that is immoral
Lust of the eyes:  it may have been my mind's eye but I lusted for the physical body of the character I created.

Is this the wholesome Godly life I am suppose to live? No, reading these types of books is not any different then watching pornography on the television, computer monitor, or the big screen at a theater.

What example was a I setting to my daughters? They saw me sitting there is the book in my hand, they could read the title. Guess what as they grow up they can do research and find out just what kind of reading materials it truly was they saw mom (me) reading.

I have never asked my husband what he thought about those books. Like I said it spiced my drive, if only temporarily. Why would I want to allow another male figure into our bedroom, even if it was a fantasy figure made up in a book series brought to life in my own lustful mind? Is that not committing adultery? How can I say to my husband, I do not want you to look at magazines with nude women or watch videos, if I (in my own mind) am doing just that? That was not fair to place that double standard on him. I feel ashamed of that, how hypocritical of me!

Is this the type of material I would want my Savior to see in my house if He were to knock on my door tonight? NO! I look back and I am deeply saddened by my actions, I am regretful. With prayer, and faith I will attempt to not be led into this temptation any farther.


1 John 2:15-17 (HCSB)
^15 Do not love the world or the things in that belong to the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in him. ^16 For everything that belongs to the world--the lust of flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride in one's lifestyle--is not from the Father, but is from the world. ^17 And the world with its lust is passing away, but the one who does God's will remains forever.

Matthew 5:27-28 ^ 27 You have heard that it was said, Do not commit adultery. ^27 But I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Ladies does this not apply to us as well?
1 Corinthians 10:23 Everything is permissible, but not everything is helpful.

Just because we can doesn't mean we should read or watch such shows.

I'm a stay at home Mom...so what do I do all day?

Today I am pondering what exactly my "job description" entails?

I am a home owner. I am the scrubber, wiper, soaker, gardener, sweeper, and plumper.

I am a wife. I have nutritional intake to ponder, hydration to think about, ensure medical needs get met,  physical comfort to give and enjoy, emotional counselor, partner to help with property chores, encouraging friend, the reminder, and sounding board. I am the accountant, financial planner, and office manager.

I am a mother. I am a nutritionist, encourager, listen, advise giver, disciplinary (rarely thankfully), fight mediator, house keeper, taxi driver, appointment maker and keeper, cheerleader, supporter, hugger, holder, spiritual advisor, tutor, and hair curling braiding tycoon. I am the party planner, organizer, and gift giver.

I am a baby sitter. I ensure safety of other mothers' child(ren) often. Which often includes the same description as mother, but only for kids who are not my own.

I am a friend. I am a listener, confidant, sounding board, encourager, helper, and advise giver.

I am a full time college student. I have text books to read, papers to write, discussion to take part in, assignments to complete, and quizzes to stress over.

I am an aunt, sister, daughter, granddaughter, and cousin. I am a step mother, step daughter, sister in law, and step grandmother.

Mainly I am an unconditional love giving fool.

The next time I wonder if I am even remotely useful I will think about this "Job Description" and see that even though it may not look like much to other people I am a very busy person. I work hard to do what is best for my family, I strive to help others when I can and the best I can.

Who Are You Working For?!?!

When people chose a career they usually chose something they love. However, those dreams and desires do not always work out and we are left to work in a field that is not necessarily our dream job.

Who do we work for?

Are we working for some domineering boss? Are we working for our own self? Are we working for the Lord?

Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically, as something done for the Lord and not for men"

What a very powerful verse. When we go out to our job each day we need to bring glory to GOD, we need to set our self aside and work for the LORD not our bosses, not our friends, but we need to work as though we are doing HIS work. Sometimes this may mean that we do not get the promotion that we desire, because all things come in GOD's time. When God decides to rain the blessings down we will rejoice, but in the mean time we must wait, patiently, while giving glory to God.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven".

While at work we are to bring glory to God, just as Jesus was a servant we are to set aside our pride and "Make our own attitude that of Christ Jesus" Philippians 2:5.   We must do so without complaint.

No matter how mad we get at those we work with we need to set aside our anger ask God for patience, and trudge on working for the Lord. Bring glory to Him with our humble attitude and perseverance through the trials "consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing" James 1:2-4.

We must let go of pride and rejoice in being a humble man. "He says: "God resisted the proud, but gives grace to the humble" and  "don't criticize one another, brothers..."James 4:6, &11. Even when you are working with others who make you angry take a deep breathe regain your composer and teach them! Teach them the correct way, the safer way, and the smarter way. 

Source: Google image Search

Do not be critical of others, do not bring unhappiness when celebrating with others, do not be spiteful. Do not be mean. Be loving always, just as Jesus loves you, you also must love others. It is commanded from our Lord to love all men. Set aside yourself and go about working only for the LORD. 

Young People and Dating

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What is it with today's youth, bouncing from boy/girl saying they are dating? Do they not understand that you have to be mature, responsible, respectful, and honest to be in a relationship? If they are lying to their parents, hiding it from the public's eye, or keeping it a secret from their siblings is it really dating?

There are so many emotions that get tied up in the dating scene. Today's youth throw the word LOVE around like it doesn't mean anything. I love your shirt. I love your hair. They do not understand what the true meaning of love is. How can they say "I love you" to a person they are dating if they do not understand the real meaning?

Love according to a Google-definition search:

love

ləv/

noun

1. 1.

   an intense feeling of deep affection.

   "babies fill parents with intense feelings of love"

   synonyms:

   deep affection, fondness, tenderness, warmth, intimacy, attachment,endearment; More
2. 2.

   a person or thing that one loves.

   "she was the love of his life"

   synonyms:

   beloved, loved one, love of one's life, dear, dearest, dear one, darling,sweetheart, sweet, angel, honey; More

verb

1. 1.

   feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).

   "do you love me?"

   synonyms:

   care very much for, feel deep affection for, hold very dear, adore, think the world of, be devoted to, dote on, idolize, worship

I feel that most youth are getting Love confused with Lust.



Google definition search for Lust

lust

ləst/

noun

1. 1.

   very strong sexual desire.

   "he knew that his lust for her had returned"

   synonyms:

   sexual desire, sexual appetite, sexual longing, ardor, desire, passion;More

verb

1. 1.

   have a very strong sexual desire for someone.

   "he really lusted after me in those days"

   synonyms:

   desire, be consumed with desire for, find sexually attractive, crave,covet, ache for, burn for

 Being in a serious dating relationship is not simple. It is complex. It can be extremely emotional (happy, sad, exciting, depressing, hurtful). I do not think that teenagers understand this, and certainly a child at the age of 12 cannot possible grasp this concept. Serious relationships are hard work.

 I understand if they like or feel attracted to a person whether it be the opposite or same sex. I understand they could want to explore what it is like to be with that person in a relationship that is more then a friendship. What I do not understand is at the age of 12 how can they say they are dating? They can't drive. They don't have a job to pay for the expenses of dating. Do they really know what dating is? I do not believe that dating is sitting at lunch holding hands, or ignoring each other in the hallways at school.

I know that dating is part of growing up. I do not understand why teenagers or preteens feel the need to find a part of their identity in somebody else. I was a teenager who fell in love young, I got married when I was 17 for Pete's sake. I, also, got divorced in my early 20s.

At what age should dating be acceptable? I think 14 is acceptable, but I also think that all dates should be chaperoned or group dates until both people have drivers license. I do not think that the age  of 12 is acceptable. I do not think that a child at that age is mature enough mentally and emotionally to handle a romantic relationship. I do not think a child who is not responsible for little things is ready for the responsibility of a relationship or the complexity of dating.

How a person can say they are dating somebody but they don't even know what their favorite food is, or their favorite movie, or their favorite anything because they simply follow the crowd.  In my opinion a person should know their own inner being before they can assume they know enough to be connected to another person intimately.

What happens if a 12 year old claims to be dating, starts exploring such as hand holding, kissing, and then gets into a situation they are not mentally or emotionally ready to handle? What if they go too far and can't get the situation back under control? What if they want to stop but are continually urged and pressured to go farther? Do youth truly understand the dangers?

I welcome comments to further the discussion on youth and dating. What standards do other parents put into place? What rules do you have for your children?

What's a parent?

This is a post I have wrestled with for a while. Sitting in my back office as a draft. It's time, I am so lost.


I live a life that is different than others. My husband is 14 years older than me; and has 4 children from his first marriage. I have two from my first marriage. We have 6 kids. SIX kids! Ages 25 (boy, the only boy), 22, 19, 12.5, 12, 9 (all girls, that's a lot of estrogen and attitude). There are grand children even; three boys 5, 3, 1 and a girl 3 months.

Here I am lost. Where do I fit? I know my children, my girls 12.5 and 9. I know where I fall with them, I am MOM. Where do I fall with the other 8 young souls? What role am I?

I am so vitally confused. There are days I feel like mom. Days I feel like a very distant friend who is only there for babysitting and the such. There are days I feel like the enemy, the evil one who took away their dad. There are days I feel like have had a very positive impact and then there are days I feel like I failed so miserably. These are most days. Days I feel that hatred dripping off the ceiling and sliding down the walls in my home.

The little boys don't know me. It was just until just a couple weeks ago that the 5 year old learned my name. That is because I babysit another little boy who is the same age and in the same grade. He calls me Miss Sarah.

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I don't know what role I play? I am not grandma they have two already. I am not an aunt, I am not a friend, I am lost.

Where do I fit with the little ones' moms? What am I?

There was once a time when the 19 year old called me mom, we were good friends...then high school, then bad influential friends came....I became the enemy.  I am not sure where I stand any more.

The oldest girl she has always hated me. Hated me to the point that she never came around and missed out on so much with her dad. I still feel very disliked. I feel tolerated.

Most days I want to crawl under the bed and hate.

 The now 12 year old  refers to me as "My mom" when at school...I guess I am mom...but not to people outside of school there is that very big differentiation made. This week I am mean. I am mean because I treat her the same as my two girls. Everybody has chores, everybody has to keep their grades at a c or above. I treat them all equal. Am I mean?

 I am lost. I am hurting. I feel judged for going with my gut instincts when trying to have a positive influence on children I did not give birth to.

 The 25 year old boy. Now that is interesting, only 7 year difference between him and I. I am referred to in contents as my parents when he is asked where he is located. However, when introducing me I am step mom. Where do I fit?

How do you raise children who are not your own? Who make sure you know they are not your children biologically speaking. My feelings get hurt all the same, maybe more.  I love them, oh I love them so very much.

Do I keep fighting or do I give in and let go. I know I am not their mother, I don't want to take that position. I just want to know where I stand. 

God says "Love all men" "Children obey your father's instructions, don't reject your mother's teaching"  Step parenting is in the Bible. It's not labeled as such. But even Jesus had a Step-Dad. 

Prayer....Forgiveness...Hurts...Circles...Hope

What does it mean to forgive somebody for the pain they have caused? What does it take to forgive? Does it magically make the hurts go away because you say you forgive them?

 I was attending a regular college online and within the first six months of starting my courses I felt a pull towards something more; I just could not quite grasp what.

 I felt an inner voice telling me I needed something I wasn't getting; this something was soul food.

 I opened my email one day and there was an invitation from Liberty University. I can not tell you how many college emails I had simply deleted from my inbox without a second thought...but this one...this one had me pause. I opened it and it was a Christian college.

This was what that pull was.

 I began making phone calls and gathered all the necessary paper work and information. Waiting to know if I was going to be accepted...waiting to find out if my credits would transfer.

I got accepted.

Great, now what? A college the teaches on biblical standards and integrates faith in to all lessons; what am I going to do with that?!

Three years later I am in my senior year of my Bachelors degree. Three years later I have been on a roller coaster of emotions I thought I long ago abandoned.

Over the course of the last three years I have been in a circle of forgiveness. Some have been easy transgression to forgive...others I just wasn't ready and they always come back again.

I want to point out the what so many people have titled "The Lord's Prayer"

Our Father in heaven,
Your name be honored as holy.
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
on Earth as it is heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And do not bring us into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.
[For YOURS is the kingdom,
    and the power
and the glory forever. Amen]
  Matthew 6:9-13 (HCSB)

FORGIVENESS- I am going to continue on to the next two verses that follow that prayer
Matthew 6:14-15 "For if you forgive people their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don't forgive people, your Father will not forgive your wrongdoing."

That is a lot to swallow. Pretty much my salvation is hinging on my ability to forgive those who have done me wrong. I have been hurt, lied to, beat, and abused. My heart is full of hurt that has been masked as anger for a very long time. My heart feels so abandoned by many people that roam this planet. If my inability to forgive is going to keep me out of my Father's presence I want to forgive each and every person that has done me wrong. I wish it were that easy.

That is where my education has come in to play. It was in the middle of my lessons through Christian counseling that I began the road to forgiveness.  That is where God pulled me in and held me tight and said to my heart:
 "Dear Child they are just earthly beings, it is my love that is enduring, it is my love that you need. My Dear child I will hold you close as you walk this life and walk through again the hurts that others have given your heart. My dear child I love you so much I want you to feel that love. My dear child it is OK to forgive."                                                   Casting Crowns-Just Another Birthday<<<Click the link
 Some hurts have been easier to forgive then other. As I forgive some hurts more begin to bubble to the surface I long ago tried to block away. The more I embrace forgiveness the more I hear God speaking to my heart. The more I am open to His love the easier those horrible hurts are getting to forgive.

So many people pray the Lord's Prayer at funerals or other faith based gatherings; but it makes me wonder if they really mean it? Do they really understand what it is they are asking for?  So many people are holding on to hurts and refuse to forgive those who have done them wrong but yet they feel they are entitled to be forgiven.  The old quote I have heard time and time again "Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" You know in all actuality that poison is just going to kill you and keep you from having a life in the presence of our Lord and Savior; learn to forgive. Forgiveness is not for the wrong doer but for your own heart, over all health, and forgiveness from

Google image search

God.
We are all humans, we all make mistakes, some bigger than others. I am not free of sin myself. I am a very big sinner, and I recognized that in myself; but I try everyday to be a better person than I was yesterday. I can only hope that those who I hurt forgive me; just as I am beginning to forgive them for the hurts they caused me.




   

When does the testing end?

In my post about coming down from the extreme stress I mentioned that the last big hurdle, or so I thought, was my brother's hand surgery.

Well life had other plans.

 The surgery was a great success the hand is healing well, except now he has pneumonia. I was ok with that I know it's highly treatable. What I am not ok with is that the hospital he is at did not pay attention to his medical history and gave him FOUR bag of intravenous antibiotics that he is ALLERGIC to and on bag number four he had an aliphatic reactions and stopped breathing.  That phone call was heartbeat skipping. 

It filled me with fear, dread, and worry. 

I. Could. Have. Lost. My. Brother.

Google Image Search

All because the medical staff were negligent. What I cannot wrap my mind around is how can they let something so vitally important slip through the cracks? How could they play with life like that? Not only do they not pay attention to the medical records but the CNA stepped on his IV tube and about pulled it out of his arm. I am sincerely disappointed with the care he is receiving from the medical staff. 

I have an important friend who I text knowing that she will pray for me, the medical teams, and the person in the midst of the medical battle. She is a blogger <---link there.  A faith filled person who in the middle of her own life struggles takes the time to pray for others, to send heartwarming messages via email, text, and thoughts. She sent me a message yesterday, a reminder that God will help (Isaiah 41:13). It was the message I needed at the time I was struggling. 

I have felt lately that I am about to my breaking point that moment when life feels too stressful to deal with. I get a daily verse on my phone a gentle reminder that God is always near. A verse that makes me stop in the moment and let it sink in deep, deep into my heart to feed my soul with the love that is showered on me from my Heavenly Father. Here is the Link  to that app from Google Play if you are interested in having your own thought provoking verses delivered daily to your mobile device. 

One must remember that we are not alone here. We have God on our right side helping us through the paths of life. It makes me think about the footsteps in the sand poem. It was then that I carried you. 

FootPrints

Presence is a present....

I have watched many different gathering over the course of the last few months. My observations are that even though we are physically present at a function doesn't mean that our mind is present. Going out to dinner with my husband has been interesting; usually involves him playing solitaire on his phone.  I will not claim innocence with this negative behavior, but I noticed I was checking Facebook or playing jewel mania more then I was having a conversation with my family.That's when I made a choice to stop. I want to be present for the meal, I want to be present for the conversations.

Google image search

                                       

   I                                      

       put                                     

          my                                   

              cellphone                                         

                   down.

Look around you the next time you are out dinning with family or friends, maybe you too are guilty, how many people are grossly involved with their phones? How many are texting, or checking a social media platform, email, or reading blogs? 

What happened to human interactions? What happened to giving others the gift of your presences when at a social gathering? I sat at the table in my kitchen this last weekend and watched...more often than not somebody has a cell phone in front of them that they were using in some manner. Conversations were very little.

Google image search

No matter what function be there, be present, make a point to be part of it no matter what. Put the phone away.

Yesterday is gone, 

tomorrow is not guaranteed,

once this moment is gone

it's gone that is why today is called the

present...it's a gift from God.  

Fork in the Road

It truly is the little things in life that matter. Celebrating the little battles won, college algebra as an example. We hosted a Potluck BBQ and those that attended really make my heart smile. They were here to celebrate a triumphant feat that cause loads of anxiety and tears. Stood behind me the entire way encouraging and helping the best they could. Then there were those that simply ignored the invitation, text messages, or said the might attend (each maybe is always a solid no without saying "no"). Those that have conditional love. Those that constantly refuse to celebrate the good.

I have come face to face with a fork in the road. One path leads to heartache the other path to loneliness. What way do I go?

Do I go down the path of heartache and continue to care for the people who don't reciprocate the care back, always taking for themselves but never giving?

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Do I go down the path that leaves all behind and make a life only with those who do not make me feel inadequate?

I have so much chaos in my mind and heart that I am at a loss of what direction I am suppose to go. God never said that life will be easy, He just said that life would be worth it.

I need to still the muddy thoughts, and turmoil deep inside and try to hear the voice of God.

What lesson am I learning?

I am learning that I should not work for conditional love. There are many people that I have an Earthly relationship with that make me feel I am not good enough. I quit, I am not going to attempt to "earn" love from anybody.  I deserve unconditional love. My God gives me that, no matter how many mistakes I make, no matter how many times I repeat the same mistake, God doesn't hold that against me. He makes me feel wanted.

I have to trust in HIM.

Learning...What am I Learning?

Learn to look to the Cross

I am learning to let go and let God.
I am learning that even though I am angry I have to let go.
That does not mean that I cannot use my anger for something good.
I am learning that I am not alone in this journey of life, I was put here to work as a guide for other who need assistance in walking a path they find difficult. But most importantly my Lord and SAVIOR is walking my journey with me. Matthew 28:20 "...I am with you always, to the end of the age." I am never alone.
The last few days I have been hurting emotionally and literally cried myself to sleep. I was hurt that I can ask for help from others and feel that my request has fallen on deaf ears. What I failed to do was take my request to my Lord. I failed to remember that He said "Ask and you shall receive" Matthew 7:7. I have to remember that God's will is done in God's time. So while I may have set goals for myself and the growth in my business I have to be patient, I have to have faith that God has a plan for me. I have to remember that in time when it is right God will provide. So for now I will focus on finishing up my research paper, fighting to pass algebra class, and learning to remember to have faith even if it is is the size of a mustard seed it is still faith (Matthew 17:20).